Life Without You
by serafina19
Summary: Chloe and Oliver attempt to learn how to live without each other after Chloe escapes from the Suicide Squad.  Spoilers for season 10.
1. Part 1

****Disclaimer:** **I own nothing. The lyrics are from the song of the same name by Stanfour.**  
><strong>Warning:<strong> **This is still a WIP, but there will likely be spoilers until Collateral. The following takes place during Shield.

* * *

><p><strong>Life Without You<strong>

_How I need to hear you  
>Hear you so softly<br>Hear you say anything_

The picture wasn't enough. He wanted more, but he couldn't ask for it. She did save his life after all. Picking up the empty bottle in his hands again, he frowns as he holds it up to his eyes. It wasn't that reassuring to know the only way she survived her captors was the hope that a cyanide antidote would work.

Looking around the penthouse, it felt like an empty wreck. The possessions money could buy paled in comparison to when he'd enter the room and see her smile. Oliver was skeptical that even in sunlight the room would have any more life than it did right now. The furniture was just a space filler, a illusion that he had everything when he felt nothing inside.

Descending the elevator, he pulled out the phone, desperately trying her number again, despite the doubt that things had changed. But he still wanted to hear her voice, in any way that he could, and although the number was no longer in service, it was still attached to her name on his phone.

It was only her name, just thirteen letters, but it reminded him that she was real, that she did love him. That was something, especially considering she had gone to such lengths to make herself disappear from the world.

The thunder boomed above him, the lightning lit up the sky as he ventured down the couple blocks between the clocktower and Watchtower. The weather was fitting to his mood, pent-up anger trying to understand why she did what she did, but no actual emotions like the rainless streets. Bringing his head up to face the world in front of him, flashbacks began to play in his head, but the most prominent one was the moment she grabbed his hand, dragging him down the street while accusing him of falling for her.

She was right, and now he was forced to live without her.

He half-heartedly pressed the buttons to get up to Watchtower, the place where he usually found himself smiling, but right now, it'd be a miracle if he'd open his mouth at all. The numbers went up, as the reality of not seeing her behind the doors became clearer again.

Sure enough, Watchtower's doors let out a tiny squeak as Oliver opened them, but the emptiness filled the room just the same as it did as he searched all of the possible databases for just a trace of her. Oliver wasn't expecting to find anything then, and he wasn't optimistic to find anything now.

All this time, he had protected other people's loved ones, and now he had finally let someone in… oh who was he kidding, _she _was the one who let him in. But he never expected to lose her this fast, that they wouldn`t have a chance to talk, to figure out their relationship, because he could technically call it that because of the two and a half seconds they had spent confirming their feelings.

If only he had been more careful... quicker... a better hero... she would be here, they could figure things out. Now, he could only hold onto a fleeting hope that she would come back... come back to him. He sat down on the steps, antidote bottle still in his fingers, feeling lost in what leaving this bottle meant, and what he was supposed to do.

It wasn`t long before he heard Clark enter the room, and it's then that Oliver realizes that Clark had no idea what Chloe did for him. He has to tell him, and then likely hear the now famous Boy Scout lectures only seconds after, but that didn't matter to him anymore.

He had failed her, and this life, this emptiness was his punishment.

_This is life without you_


	2. Part 2

_Sera's Scribbles: I'm not sure how I feel about this one... but I've had this sitting on my computer and I guess I was tired of leaving this story abandoned. Updates for everything is coming- I swear. _

* * *

><p><strong>Part 2<strong>

_Learning how to miss you__  
><em>_I guess I need to know how it feels like_

Chloe had always thought that she lived in the shadows, but truthfully, she hadn't until right now, walking into the abandoned building that she'd call home for the foreseeable future.

It wasn't much, just a partially intact cot that would likely ruin her back in a couple of days next to a garbage bag containing a small amount of clothing that she could afford to take with her. Fortunately, the cash that she had hidden was still here, an amount of money that she only hope would last.

Looking around, it was easy to tell that she was alone now, and that was the toughest pill to swallow, not the cyanide that she had taken mere hours earlier. For the past year, even when she had lost a sense of the real world, she always had people to fall back on, people who reminded her to live.

But it had to be that way. Sure, she could go back through the double doors of Watchtower, but there was no way Chloe was willing to risk permanently losing the people she loved, especially after what she had seen.

That didn't mean her current circumstances didn't hurt, that her passing goodbye to Clark would be the last words her best friend would hear from her. That the equivalent of goodbye Lois got was through an encrypted message of _You're meant to be with Clark_. But worst of all, the man she loved, the man she saved, got goodbye in the form of a shoulder bump and an email. It was that pain that triumphed over the shocks, the punches, the feeling of the trade, that overwhelming ache in her chest hoping she had made the right choice.

Digging in the bag, she found the single thing that she had to remind herself of him. Chloe was more frail and likely had blood going down her arms, but she wasted no time putting the jacket on, feeling it's smooth texture on her arm. She tried to pretend he was putting his arms around her, telling her that everything would be alright. Stroking the material before zipping it up, she only hoped that Oliver could forgive her for this, because she had meant every word. She loved him, that's why she traded herself; it was partially why she has to stay away.

Hurt him to save him, a twisted saying, but one she fully understood as she collapsed onto her bed. As she lied down, Chloe realized that the bed actually felt soft in comparison to the floor or the cold chair she had been bound to, but she knew it would all change soon enough. No matter how soft or hard it would become, she was still alone, and even though she never told him this much, it was odd being in a bed by herself.

She couldn't turn and see him next to her, or even feel his body heat as he wrapped her up in her arms. There was no more wake-up calls where he'd come to her with coffee asking her if she slept well. Things had gotten, dare she say, _domestic_, with Oliver and she had been too blind to see it. She was so focused on not getting close that she didn't see that it she had already done it.

She was desperate for sleep, but instead, she reached out for the burner phone she got for any emergency. Dialling the first couple of digits, she justified it as her telling him that she was okay. The last couple digits came onto the phone and Chloe paused. She couldn't do this. Everything had gone according to plan so far... she just had to wait a few months. But as the seconds ticked by, Chloe wanted nothing more than to press the green button.

She let out a muffled scream as she tossed the phone across the room, not caring about the clatter it made on the floor. Even though she did what she had to do to save him, it was killing her knowing that she couldn't further reassure him that she was alive. She closed her eyes, wanting sleep to take over so the seconds could go by a little faster, but before she drifted off, a single tear claimed her cheek, showing the momentary crack in her armour.

_This is life without you_


	3. Part 3

_Timeline: "Supergirl" to "Homecoming"_

* * *

><p><strong>Part 3<strong>

_Didn't want to make a mess  
>Didn't want to feel again<br>This heart has had enough_

The crumpled papers were scattered all over the streets, and Chloe couldn't help but pick up one of them. She had heard rumblings, possibilities of what the front page contained, but she didn't think it could be true. He was smarter than that.

Or so she thought.

Despite the puddles on the street distorting the text, she could still make out the headline and the picture was as clear as day.

_You idiot,_ she thought.

No matter how strong he seemed on the page, he was a mess and she was half convinced that the only way to get him to snap out of it was to walk into his office. But she couldn't. She still couldn't.

Yet she knew it was what he wanted. He did this for her. He risked _so _much and she couldn't give Oliver what he wanted. _That _killed her.

The people congregated in the street, whispering about how someone on the penthouse suite was helping the common folk, or how an adrenaline junkie was taking the law into his own hands, depending on the conversation she heard. She wanted to speak up, say something, but she held back, continuing her walk down the street in silence.

**~0~**

It's this moment where Oliver wonders why he bothered with the interview in the first place.

He's forced to sit here, listening to the blonde woman who has already made up her mind about the Green Arrow. Talking about the backlash, asking for answers.

She wanted answers? The public wanted answers? So did Oliver.

If he wanted something from it, he would have come clean years ago. If he wanted to be selfish about it, he could have given himself a couple parades. But he didn't. He worked in the shadows to bring justice— that was his only reason.

Then again, as for his reason for coming clean, that wasn't completely true, an answer Clark, who had just entered the room, knew too well. It wasn't much, but knowing _someone _had his back was enough for Oliver to push forward.

**~0~**

It wasn't everyday Chloe noticed people huddled around the television at the street tavern, and consider how packed it was, she could only guess it was Oliver-related. Knowing she didn't exactly have cable where she lived, she bowed her head, risking to go inside.

Sure enough, Oliver's face is the first thing she sees as she enters, so Chloe takes a deep breath, wanting to push her way further through the crowd, but her head pops up when his first words enter her ears.

"_I lost someone… she meant everything to me."_

There was that hurt again, the confirmation that he did do all this for her, showing what Oliver was willing to risk for her. Chloe swallowed hard, wanting to feel guilty for what she had done, but she couldn't. Her mission at hand was much bigger than this, and short-term pain for long-term gain sounded better than losing Oliver for good. At least it was the only way Chloe had kept herself from going back to him.

**~0~**

The woman was shocked. Good. She could pick him apart, accuse him of things because of his public persona, but Oliver was ready, ready to prove her wrong. If she thought Oliver Queen was incapable of loving anyone, that he was a spineless playboy, she thought wrong.

But she wasn't done throwing punches, furthering her conviction that Oliver wanted something, so he put his foot down, but first a little digression.

"No, no... you're right. I'm not special. This isn't about who I am. It's about what I do. And I don't think I'm the first rich boy who felt that way. It was John F. Kennedy who once said ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

The woman stares at him and retorts through her blinking eyes, "So now you're comparing yourself to a fallen hero of this country?"

"Well, why not?" Oliver fired back. "He saw the hero in all of us."

His thoughts went back to Chloe, the person who always saw the hero in him. It was more than just the Roulette scheme, it was the eternal faith she showed in Oliver, no matter what he did.

"I'm not dwelling on revenge for past atrocities, or looking ahead to what I can personally gain from a few tax breaks, drilling oil wells in the ocean, putting up razor-wired fences to keep out immigrants who only want what our grandparents wanted."

The last phrase, Oliver felt his tone become harsher, but he had sat back, tried to play this whole thing safely. Now, it was the passion Oliver felt for what he did that drove his voice. "In this world of armchair bloggers who created a generation of critics instead of leaders, I'm actually doing something. Right here, right now. For the city. For my country."

He pauses, peering up at Clark, who gives Oliver the smallest of smirks. Again, a small action, but considering the person, it's a pretty grand gesture. The two men had seen their differences, but they had both lost Chloe. But they had to trust her, because it was Chloe. She always had her reasons, and all signs pointed to her being alive. That alone was enough for now.

Oliver grinned back, showing Clark his gratitude for being here, before looking back at the reporter. He had supporters, allies, and friends; he wasn't alone in this.

More importantly, he would get through this. It wasn't going to be easy, but Chloe would come home eventually. For now, he just had to get through the tough days ahead, no matter how many days there were.

**~0~**

"_And I'm not doing it alone." _

It was that line that Chloe saw it, the spark in his eyes, the confidence that she had fallen for. Days had gone by since Oliver revealed himself to the public, but it wasn't until now that his natural, genuine confidence had shone through. His final words of the interview proved that.

"_You're damn right I'm a hero_."

With that, pride welled up in Chloe's heart as she found it in herself to smile. So she turned around to leave the bar, knowing that not only would Oliver get through this, but also that the odds weren't completely against them. It wasn't going to be easy, but Chloe would come home eventually, and she had a lingering feeling that her and Oliver might actually survive this.


	4. Part 4

_Timeline: "Icarus."_

* * *

><p><strong>Part 4<strong>

_Desperate hurting all alone_  
><em>Called the house that isn't home<br>You're afraid to pick it up_

It was dangerous, coming this close to people she knew, but one of the perks of Chloe knowing the future was the date of her cousin and her best friend's surprise engagement party. At the very least, she wanted to be nearby. But with every risk came consequences, and for Chloe, it came in the form of seeing Oliver in the flesh for the first time in months. It was harder than she could have ever imagined.

The sighting wasn't completely her fault, as Chloe knew for a fact that he was the first to leave. It was also early, meaning something was troubling him, and it didn't take a genius to figure out what, or rather, who, was the cause. Chloe watched him leave the front doors that led to Watchtower, take a quick peek up at the sky, before his eyes looked down to the ground. It took everything she had not to run out to him when she noticed the disappointment and sadness in his eyes. There was so much she had to explain, so many things she had to tell him.

For one, even though she knew why he revealed himself, it was still stupid. He shouldn't blame himself for the trade, or anything that happened to her, but knowing Oliver, his guilt defence mechanisms would up and running the moment he saw her.

But he wouldn't see her, not yet. Her time was near, but for now, she could only watch in the shadows.

**~0~**

Stepping into the clocktower, Oliver's was reminded of his situation, despite the good news outside the elevator doors. He was going to be Clark's best man, and part of Oliver couldn't believe it. They didn't always see eye to eye, but Oliver was honestly honoured, but with that honour came another reminder. The maid of honour would no doubt be Chloe when she came back. _If_she came back.

Staring at his silent phone, Oliver knew it wasn't going to be easy for Chloe to come back into their lives, for things to go back to normal. If it was, she wouldn't have traded herself in the first place. But he had been hoping for one phone call.

Just one.

But there had been nothing, and when he called her, rings just ended in nothingness, and the inevitable hit of the red button. It led to the path of his voicemail, the remnants of a fading voice that Oliver hadn't heard in so long. The one Oliver wasn't so sure was going to come back, despite his efforts. The Isis exhibit was a message, the interview, his reveal as Green Arrow, but he knew Chloe coming back wasn't as easy as him subtly implying that he missed her.

In the end, if he couldn't see her, Oliver just wanted more proof that she was alive than a cyanide antidote. However, Oliver knew that if he got it, he'd stop trusting her and he'd spend all his time trying to bring her back to him. Chloe always had a purpose for the things that she did, and whatever it was, he knew it would be for the better of the world.

Therefore, Oliver couldn't risk being selfish, especially since he outed himself. That whole debacle was justified in Oliver's eyes as a way for Chloe to come back, but it wasn't, and deep down, Oliver probably knew that too. The only thing it had accomplished was that Oliver had embraced the 'groupie love,' as Tess so eloquently put it, in order to compensate for the love that he missed. And no matter how much he wanted Chloe back, there was no guarantee that he would ever see her again.

For now, when it came to Chloe, all Oliver could do was continue to trust her. All he could do was wait.

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><p><em>Sera's Scribbles: There was supposed to be an Isis related one, but it was scrapped. A little snippet from Collateral, and this little multi-drabble fic should be done.<em>


	5. Part 5

**Part 5**

_All I want is someone to tell me I'm crazy  
>It just might save me<em>

It felt so wrong, what she was doing, but Chloe didn't have a choice. This wasn't how she was hoping to touch Oliver for the first time in months, but if it meant it would help bring him back to her, it would be worth it. After all, it was the only way he would stay alive, and the only justification Chloe had for she putting him back into the virtual reality.

They had gotten close, which meant that Oliver was still fighting, that his strength hadn't faded. But she had to go inside, convince Oliver to keep push even harder. Again, not the way she wanted him to see her for the first time, but Chloe didn't have enough time to have options.

**~0~**

"Hello Oliver," she says, almost without a hint of emotion, and it's enough for Oliver to freeze to his spot.

Oliver knew he was in the loony bin, but he figured there was some sort of limit to his insanity. This seemed to prove otherwise, as the flashes of Chloe experimenting on him were one thing, but seeing her walk through a wall was another.

As time passed, he could see concern coming into the face, but as much as he wanted to believe it was her, instead, all Oliver could focus on was how he got in his current situation, and what potential part Chloe herself had played.

"I'm not sure what these drugs are called, but they are working."

Those were far the words he wanted Chloe to hear when he saw her again, but considering the past couple months, Oliver couldn't blame himself for wanting to see Chloe so badly that he conjured her up in his head.

"You're not hallucinating Oliver," Chloe replied with a slight shake of her head, "And you're not insane, trust me."

Trust. An interesting word at this point. "Really?" he said with disbelief, " That's kinda hard to believe considering you just materialized out a wall."

"I'm here to save you," she said simply, stepping towards him, but in response Oliver stepped back, reminded of what he had seen.

"You're here to save me?" he repeated, unaware he was backing into a corner. "Really?" Realizing that his pacing was pointless, Oliver stopped, as there was no way out of the room; so he figured it was best to cut to the chase. "Is that what you were doing in the flashbacks to the lab I keep having? _Saving _me?"

**~0~**

Chloe wasn't sure what to expect when she saw Oliver again, what he'd accuse her of. His point was relatively valid, after all, she had noticed Oliver had opened his eyes, but Chloe hadn't been preparing for one particular comment.

"You tortured us."

It stung, more than Chloe wanted to admit, and it showed slightly in her voice as she replied, "You really think I would ever do that?" Chloe's expression changed to one of disgust, as the idea of her completely turning her back on everyone she cared about wasn't something she ever wanted him to imagine.

She could only watch as Oliver shook his head, and she wasn't sure it was because he believed her, or if he was so lost in the moment that Oliver couldn't think straight. He swallowed hard as he continued to think about it, but his answer came in the form of a very soft, "No."

And it was this moment Chloe could see... Oliver was coming back.

But he still had questions, logical ones, ones that couldn't be answered without him thinking that he _was _insane. However, Chloe still had to try, he deserved to know everything.

She explained about how the government tracked them down at Carter's funeral, the video-game-like state Oliver and the team were stuck in. It was a lot to take, but Oliver wasn't shooting her down, as he instead asked more questions, which gave Chloe an opportunity to prove herself further.

For months, she had prepared for the moment she would have to save the team, and she had started with Oliver, knowing that either he would be the easiest or the most difficult. It seemed like it could have gone either way, but now, Chloe could see that he was starting to believe her.

When she had stopped explaining, she stared at Oliver, who was just staring back, taking it all in. Chloe could only hope Oliver would understand what she was saying.

"You're not real."

It didn't show, but Chloe felt a wave of relief wash over her as she replied, "I'm pretty much Chloe in the sky with diamonds."

**~0~**

It actually was starting to make sense: the strange feeling of the last while, Oliver's current circumstances, even the explanation of the flashbacks that Chloe was currently giving him. But when she said that they had to go, Oliver froze. He wanted to with every fibre of his being, but he didn't like their chances.

"Chloe... I hate to rain on your program, but I'm in a straitjacket." Oliver held out his arms, showing the obvious, and the slight embarrassment of it all. It wasn't like he wanted the first time he saw Chloe again was for her to see him like this. Heck, none of this was right, but Oliver wasn't about to argue. Even if Chloe was an avatar, it was still her.

However, that didn't change the fact that, "I'm in a cell in a locked down wing of a hospital." Looking around, Oliver felt his words speed up as he added, "I...I... I'm not going anywhere."

But Chloe didn't look fazed as she stood by the door. "Only if you believe that's true." It was the last facet of the world that Oliver had to believe, that Chloe herself wasn't the only fake thing of this reality. Nothing was.

Proving her point, Chloe pushed the supposedly locked door open. "The sooner you believe everything you see is fantasy, the sooner you can manipulate it, break free of it."

She watched Oliver as he looked down at himself, then up at the lights, noticing how they flickered on and off. By the time Oliver looked at himself again, the straitjacket was gone.

But he was still a little stunned at his actions, so he asked, "How did you do that?"

"I didn't." Chloe's smile widened even further as she told him, "You did." She wanted to say more, but there wasn't time to bask in the victory of convincing Oliver. "Come on Houdini, let's go."

After all, they had a lot of ground to cover.

**~0~**

_With my life._

It was his response to her asking Oliver if he still trusted her. No hesitation in his expression or his voice. He had trusted her all this time, and even despite an impossibly insane situation, Oliver still believed in her, and trusted her.

Those three words were all Chloe could hear as she free-fell towards the portal. However, Chloe still felt a little nervous, as she could only hope Oliver felt the same way when he came back to the real world.

**~0~**

Oliver had done plenty of things, but jumping off the Daily Planet without any gear wasn't exactly on his to-do list. But, if it meant joining reality, joining Chloe, he would do it in a heartbeat. Even if Clark wouldn't.

So he jumped, knowing the world was fake, watching as the ground got closer, seeing the black momentarily consume him before catching his breath and seeing the glass tube, just like Chloe had said. Disconnecting himself from the tube, Oliver quickly stood up... and there she was.

Gone was the pure white suit, and instead a woman in black leather. Regardless, she was always a women who meant business, one that had a plan, plans that usually came through. As tough as this one was to bear for Oliver, the fact was that it had worked, and Chloe had come back to him. She really had come to save him.

However, that didn't stop Oliver from double-checking the worst case scenario. "Are we dead?" After all, they had jumped from a very tall building, and at this point, Oliver wouldn't be surprised if that was actually the case.

But she just smirked at him before saying, "This might help you decide."

_This _was her grabbing his neck and pulling Oliver closer so that she could kiss him. It was short, and they had so much to figure out, but it was enough. She was here. They had a lot to talk about, plenty of baggage to muddle through, and it wouldn't be easy. But Oliver still knew that they would get through every detail, and every ordeal. If they could survive the last couple of months, then he would stand by her always, and based on how she kissed him, Oliver knew it was mutual.

**~0~**

He had every reason to back away when she kissed him, but he didn't. It had to be short because Rick and Deadshot were due to arrive any second, but she wanted just a second to forget the work she had to do. She also wanted to put aside the slight heartbreak she felt when Clark didn't trust her, but there was a reason Clark and her never would have worked.

The things Chloe had to do, they weren't easy, and their motives were usually lined with a shade of gray. Clark was always the type to stick to dichromatics, but Oliver... Oliver understood. He may not have liked it, he may have made some mistakes along the way, but he still put all of his faith in her, and allowed Chloe to do what she had to.

He... got her, which is what Chloe wanted all along.

She knew his happiness would fade when Oliver saw her partners in crime, but she did what she had to. She did what she had to keep Oliver in her life, to save everyone she loved.

After all, love isn't easy, and when they got out of this, Chloe swore to herself that she would say those three words to his face. Their road has had plenty of speed bumps, and Chloe knew she had more than her share of explaining to do, but she was willing to fight to stay with Oliver. She loved him, with everything she had, and the one thing she knew for sure was that, as long as she could help it... she never wanted to experience life without him again.

_All I want is someone right here beside me_  
><em>Now I can see<em>

~**End~**

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><p><em>Sera's Scribbles... Yes, I do realize that "Fortune" happened (Chloe almost leaving), but I'm hoping you are willing to overlook that to focus on the moment that was. I thought about doing the final scene in "Collateral," but I've read too many good fics based around that scene, that I didn't think I could add anything new. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this.<em>

_As my real life has been picking up, this may be the last update for awhile. I'm trying to finish multiple chapters on my WIPs so I can post in bunches instead. But with any luck, it won't be too long._


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